No story this week.

I honestly just don’t have it in me.

It’s been a week of highs

  • I went flying with a friend
  • I had an “Only you, Tom, only you…” experience when researching a story I was writing – where the pieces came together in ways I’d never expected.
  • My leg, which wasn’t supposed to heal after all that’s been done to it (think radiation, etc), appears to be doing just that, healing…

And lows

A triple whammy of

  • my grandma being in the hospital,
  • the same hospital I spent countless hours in when my dad was there 11 years ago, (which I simply can’t face right now)
  • and rather suddenly and unexpectedly losing her leg, something I’m kind of familiar with having to face, because that was a possibility for me a number of years ago – to the point that early on the morning of surgery, dressed in the sweats I was supposed to wear to the hospital, I walked around our dandelion covered front lawn in my bare feet, to try to cement the memory of what it felt like to walk barefoot in wet grass deep into my brain, in case I wouldn’t have the chance to feel that anymore.…

I’m also hearing stories of my uncle’s health in Germany – obviously nothing I can do about that – but it hurts, realizing that people will leave your life – to live on in your memories – it’s just the transition that’s so hard.

A year ago I wrote a note to my grandma – put it in an envelope, and sent it to her.  It was all the things I’d ever wanted to say to her, but simply didn’t have the time to do.

I made the time – and told her that the little green toolkit she gave me for Christmas 30 years ago still has an honored position in my toolbox, that I could never develop pictures or spend time in the darkroom without thinking of her – she’d given them to me – they were my grandfather’s.

This is the grandma who sent me the chocolate chip cookies she’s packed in real, live popcorn – I wrote a story that mentioned that.

I told her that in the letter.  We were going to talk about it – but haven’t yet.  At least I wrote it, at least I was able to say the goodbye I needed to say if it came to that.

So while I’m hoping, and praying for my grandma’s health, I know I have to brace myself for the final letting go – and of course, I’m not ready for that.

So… No story this week.  Just trying to figure out how to deal with life right now.  Thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Love the folks you’ve got – you never know when they’ll be taken away.

Take care folks,

Tom

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