I went through a pretty challenging time awhile back, and as I was coming out of it, I had a dream. It took me months to figure out, but in the dream, I was hacking my way through a jungle with a huge machete. It was like boring a hole through a wall of green, but doing it with a large knife. Each hack would make it possible to clear out a little bit, then step forward into that cleared area.
It went like this for, in the case of this challenging time, months.
Hack… Slash… Step.
Hack… Slash… Step.
Sometimes it took a lot more hacking than stepping, but I did step.
Hack… Slash… Step.
Sometimes the ground was uneven, and treacherous.
Hack… Slash… Step.
Sometimes it was like mud, trying to suck me down, or suck my shoes off.
Hack… Splash… Step.
Sometimes the jungle had those “wait-a-minute” vines you might have heard about. The ones with the sharp thorns you don’t see until you think you’re past them, then they reach out and snag you, and you’re stuck till you can rip them off or away.
And it hurts when you have to do that.
The thing is, for long stretches, one step didn’t look any different from the next one or the one that came before. In spite of all the danger, there was almost a routine to it, and to be honest, there were times when it didn’t look like I was making any progress at all.
It felt, in this dream, like I’d been sentenced to a monotonous, yet terrifying lifetime of hacking and slashing.
I was able, at times, to stop, and it was then that I took a breather and looked back. What was interesting is that when I stopped and looked back, I could see where I’d been, I could see what I’d hacked through.
I could see progress.
But I couldn’t see progress when I was hacking. I could only see it when I took a breather and turned around.
But the day to day stuff, the hour to hour stuff, sometimes minute to minute stuff, was the same.
Hack… Slash… Step.
My world at the time consisted of nothing further away than what I could reach with the machete, and sometimes it got even smaller than that.
Hack… Slash… Step.
There were times when it felt like I couldn’t go on.
There were times when I wanted to just let go of the machete.
There were times when I just wanted to drop it, but it was the only thing I had to hold onto. If I let go, the jungle would swallow me up, and besides, I had to find out what was on the other side of the next leaf.
This went on, in the dream, for a long, long time, until one day, I hacked my way out of what had become my little green hacking box and found myself in a clearing.
By this time words were totally inadequate to describe the weariness I was feeling.
Tired beyond reason, I collapsed against a tree, struggled to stand, and fought to comprehend what I was seeing.
In the middle of this clearing was a white helicopter. It was so pure, so clean, and inside it was a silhouette of someone, beckoning me to come to it.
I pushed away from the tree and started walking, then stumbling as I ran toward this thing that made no sense.
The rotor was turning, and strong arms pulled me up and in.
The door slid closed, the engine whined to a crescendo and the rotor blades turned faster, becoming almost invisible. The grass in the clearing flattened out as the blades blasted a hurricane of air down.
As it did, it blew leaves away, and branches, and I could see, for a split second, people standing there in the jungle. Cheering me on. They’d been there, but I hadn’t seen how many of them there were because the jungle was so thick.
We didn’t seem to climb as much as the ground just seemed to fall away, and it was only then, as we got higher, as I started to see the jungle that I’d fought through for the entire dream (and in reality, for the last 10 months) that I began to comprehend the magnitude of the size of the jungle.
I’d only seen what I could hack and slash.
I hadn’t realized how big it was.
I hadn’t realized how much it had taken out of me.
On the other hand, I hadn’t realized how much I had grown as a result of facing, and overcoming that jungle.
As we flew, I was able to look down and see where certain events had happened, and see them from a totally different perspective.
I was able to understand a bit more.
What if I’d turned left there instead of right? Would I have seen the helicopter I was in?
And it got me thinking…
In having this dream, in putting these images in front of me, my mind was trying to process the whole thing I was going through.
I was trudging through a jungle in the dream, but I was plugging through the challenging realities in real life. And the weird thing about the dream was that not only was the dream vivid, and clear, but it was also broad enough to fit any challenges someone might be facing.
Right now I know of an old friend who passed away recently. The wife lost a husband, the children lost their father, the siblings lost a brother, and his parents lost a son.
And they’ve each either entered or are continuing through a jungle of their own.
Hack… Slash… Step…
I know of a number of families going through crises of a different sort, related to employment, lack thereof, and all the financial ramifications involved in that, to the point where even just making ends meet is a struggle.
Hack… Slash… Step…
I know of several families where an elderly parent is ill, in the hospital, or in a nursing home, and the children are making endless trips to try to help, to try to take care of those who took care of them, or simply to hold their mom or dad’s hand for all the times they did the same for them.
Hack… Slash… Step…
The challenges could be emotional, could be related to health or relationships or your parents, kids, or siblings, or all of the above… but bottom line, you get through it one step at a time. Sometimes you get through it with the help of friends. Sometimes you get through it with the help of strangers.
But you will get through it.
Hack… Slash… Step.
I didn’t know all that as I sat in the helicopter, lost in my thoughts, lost in seeing things so differently, finally, it seemed, able to see “the big picture” .
I allowed myself to relax, and in my dream, drifted off to sleep, not hearing the change in the pitch of the rotors that signaled we’d started to descend and would be landing soon, to start another journey, through another jungle…
But this time, I had the experience of the last journey to help me through.
© 2012 Tom Roush
9 comments
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April 6, 2012 at 1:56 am
Bob Lammers
Tom, Very good writing. I believe that you and the people that are suffering in your story all have something to teach us as we hack our way through life. Sometimes we do learn, sometimes we ignore them, sometimes we do teach, sometimes we are ignored. Keep on hacking.
Happy Easter
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April 6, 2012 at 8:25 am
tomroush
Thank you Bob –
Like I wrote in the story – it took months for me to figure out what on earth the dream even meant, and then the idea of “seeing things from a different perspective” (the helicopter) suddenly made sense. I do wonder, sometimes, about all the suffering, but I’ve come to the conclusion that complaining about it won’t change things. I have another story that’s baking (still in my thoughts, not written down yet) that has a lot of that “perspective” bit in it. It had several ‘aha’ moments in it that taught me a lot. Keep an eye out for a story in the next year or so that has “high heels” in the title. That’ll be it.
Take care – and a very happy, blessed Easter to you as well,
Tom
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April 6, 2012 at 8:30 am
Diane
Happy Easter Tom and family! Thank you for sharing your dream (and its meaning) with us, I appreciate the imagery and hope it presents. While we aren’t going through much at the moment, we’ve definitely had our ‘hack…slash…step’ times and have at times been graced with the chance to see what we’d accomplished, and learned.
May God bless you this Holy week!
In Christ,
Diane
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April 6, 2012 at 8:42 am
tomroush
Happy Easter to you too, Diane, I’m happy for you that you’re not going through much at the moment. It’s during those quiet times we have a chance to look back and see how far we’ve come, and I know you’ve had your own ‘hack…slash…step…’ times – I’m glad you’re past that set of them. Please pass along greetings to Jeff and the rest of the family, and may God bless you as well. Many hugs to all, Tom
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April 6, 2012 at 11:11 am
SQLRockstar (@SQLRockstar)
Wonderful writing Tom, thanks for sharing.
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April 6, 2012 at 11:29 am
tomroush
Thank you very much, Mr. LaRock.
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April 7, 2012 at 7:42 am
eyelessman
Tom, thank you for translating your thoughts into public electrons as opposed to private ones. Once again you have hit the nail square on, as instead of the thumbnail. You and I have both done more “Hack… Slash… Step…” than we ever could have imagined in our youth and I could try to come up with some witty words for all to see, but I know there are many others who have endured far, far greater trials than I. Instead I shall display the words of the One Who matters most: “…because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:3” and one of my favorites and the first one I ever memorized: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.. Psalm 32:18”.
It’s been a joy to go through life with friends like you whom God has provided.
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April 9, 2012 at 9:18 pm
tomroush
You are so welcome. I agree – I had no idea that this journey would have so much hacking, slashing and the like (though I did wonder, at an astonishingly early age. I might have to write that one down).
I’ve seen some of those who have endured far greater trials than you or I, and can learn from the perseverance of all of them. Awhile back, while going through a different hard time, or jungle, I found myself in that same book, James – and found myself surprised to see my old buddy Job. In James Chapter 5, I remember reading about patience during hard times. In fact, those were the first words of the passage.
” 7 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. 8 You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. 9 Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!
10 Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11 As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. ”
And while it’s not fun to go through this kind of thing, and I don’t recommend it for fun and amusement, I have realized that there are things you learn about yourself, and about others, in the pits of despair, the valleys, if you will, that you would never recognize on the mountaintops.
And, as for joy going through life with friends that God’s provided – when I was writing about friends and strangers, my dear Eyelessman, you were – both. You’re one of my stranger friends. 🙂
Having said that, those of you reading this: There have been some other comments to this story that will remain private, by request. Those comments are from some of the people I was thinking of when I wrote the story, those going through some of those hard, dark places, even as I write this today. Please keep those people (the ones mentioned in my life, and the ones in yours) in your prayers. They need it, as they go through their jungles, searching for clearings they have not yet seen.
Thanks so much,
Tom
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July 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm
99… 100. « Tom Roush's Blog
[…] remember one, and for whatever reason it will have something significant in it. I called this one Jungles, White Helicopters, and Long Journeys – because when I had that dream, I thought I was near the end of a long journey – but in […]
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